I can't sleep, or don't want to sleep, so I ended up here. I don't know what it is or why, but I'm really restless. I think it's just bad luck in the past little while with my computer breaking and needing a reinstall, no one wanting to hire me no matter where I apply (tried again today *fingers crossed*), not doing as well in my endeavours as I hoped, forgetting to back up files or do work/readings, oversleeping, my hormone levels (or SOMETHING) going all nuts, poor eating habits/not being hungry, saying a few things I regret, my YouTube video uploads that keep exploding and tonight family members locking me out of the house (whether meaning it or not I'm not sure yet). I have no idea what's going on, I'm just on edge and have this feeling that something horrible is about to happen. Too much can go wrong right now I have grandparents that are getting old and ill, especially my grandmother with cancer. I have an old dog who has failed considerably this year in her health...though she looks fine to me now. I have some friends that have been making a few bad choices drinking, overworking themselves, ending relationships or have been feeling super ill. I personally feel fairly healthy aside from the decreased appetite, edginess and the occasional stomach ache, so I'm just worried about everyone else. I want people's company until I'm with people, then I want to be alone. It's so strange. I hope this goes away soon and without misfortune. I'll take a spaced-out, unfocused, daze any day over this.
I don't know why, but I can never spell "occasional" without the aid of spell check. I keep putting a t where the s should be. It's like my mispronunciation of "satisfaction". I always have to think before I say it or it comes out "satisfication". My brain is weird.
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I hope you feel better in the days you're reading this huge spam of comments. These are troubled times, yes...
ReplyDeleteI fear that I have no words of encouragement or magic trick to dulling the pain and fear. All living things suffer, for life is defined by suffering. At least I take heart in that those I laid to rest no longer suffer, and that I, too, will cease suffering one day, if not today. I live day by day, trying not to think of the future or past, and await the inevitable and absolute end of life. Only by absolving myself of the fear of death, and of seeing further death, can I find the temporary stability that allows me to get up in the evening. There can be no fear of a certain future. It will be painful, of that there is no doubt. But to worry about it now, and not cherish the moments of peace we have, deprives us of the time we have left.
yolo swag 420