Bah

Don't you just hate people who fart in academia's general direction and receive A's? I'm not one of those people. I'm the person that farts in their general direction to get the B's. I'm too lazy to waft enough to get the A.

Man that was a disgusting analogy.

Stupid Biorhythm

I never knew how important this stupid feature in Path of Radiance was until Chapter 13 on hard mode. Holy crap. It's the level where you, as the player, must defend a ship for ten turns. One of the characters that starts off on the "Other" force, Astrid, is squishy. I am playing the game so no playable characters get killed. Astrid is one of these characters. If her biorhythm is on par or on the downswing, she will die no matter what you do. If it's on the upswing, the swordsman that ALWAYS offs her only gets one shot instead of two. This is a problem because I had to restart the level FIVE TIMES last night because I didn't even think of biorhythem. In fact, I couldn't even understand what the hell was going on. Today I started playing and realized it immediately (must have been lack of sleep or something finally affecting my mental processes...). Even Oscar and Kieran had differing attacks and hit percentages, which struck me as curious as well (determining if they could kill one spearman or not). This is also biorhythm. As frustrated as I was (am), biorhythm is actually a clever aspect of strategical play that I hadn't thought to work around or take advantage of.

This just struck me as a perfect example of my inability to take certain aspects of gaming to another level. As a rule, I don't like to compete or play multiplayer matches with a) people I don't know and b) little or no knowledge of the game or what I'm supposed to be doing. The point is, however, I don't ever spend enough time with one game to become an expert at it. At least not good enough to actually have fun without getting frustrated every two minutes. I love playing single player games because I can work at my own pace, faff about and actually enjoy what I'm playing. When I play multiplayer, especially with competitive contexts or even with competitive people, I feel panicked, confused and nervous because I feel like I look like an idiot. This is why previous endeavours into Star Craft and Diablo II didn't work for me. I was constantly playing with people way out of my league, and they expected more from me. Though it's good to play with people better than you, I wasn't willing to spend the time becoming better. I didn't feel like I could get better, and I was constantly embarassing myself. I don't have huge amounts of confidence, a hurdle I've constantly had to scramble over. Some of the people I played with made me feel as if I was screwing them up or constantly disappointing them, which didn't help either. And yet I couldn't stop, because I was convinced I could get better and kick these people's asses. It wasn't healthy, and I'm glad that I don't play like that anymore, though I do miss playing with these people at times. I felt like I was one of them...part of their community. Like many other aspects of my life though, I think I'm destined to be an outsider. This is why I haven't touched the multiplayer of Star Craft 2 and Assassin's Creed Brotherhood. I was eased into Call of Duty Black Ops because of the co-op multiplayer option, which was brilliant in that game (even if the rest of it just looked like the same as every COD game before). My brother, a player much better than myself, was able to play with me and help me get better.

I don't know if I'm just afraid to get back into it because of bad experiences in the past playing even with friends, but I just don't get the same level of enjoyment out of this aspect of gaming. I am becoming a lot better at games like Fire Emblem because of my will and time spent in-game. Every level I learn something new or tactical. I learn tricks for the levels and how to cycle my characters and use healing at the right times to keep them all alive and as effective as I can. I have learned about biorhythm and special abilities, chance to hit (which is TOTALLY rigged in some cases) and how to level characters to make a strong and rounded team. Same with Dungeon Keeper. I've spent hours with that game, playing, recording, reviewing, commenting and in some cases re-playing when I fail. I've spent enough time with the game making a walkthrough series that I am a stronger player. I just can't find anyone willing to play with me on multiplayer. Sadface.

Why I Have a Problem with Religious Debates

I'm going to perform one of the most dangerous feats that exists on the internet. I'm going to talk about religion.

So, why do I have a problem with religious debates? Because they hardly ever end well. The other day I had a wonderful conversation with a friend of mine concerning various forms of Christianity, Indigenous beliefs and ancient mythologies. It was fantastic. We didn't agree on all points, but both of us became a little more educated about humanity and how it functions. We both left happy and interested in the topic. This has only happened about three or four times in my entire life.

I am afraid to talk about religion, because I feel if I ever bring it up, I will be attacked no matter how peaceful and philosophical I wish to be on the topic. I am defined, by upbringing and action, as a protestant baptist. I am not exactly...devout, but I have my own set of beliefs and values that I have taken from this faction of religion and many others as well. I love to learn about religion as long as it's the facts and not a heated debate about who is right. Because I already know that the answer is NO ONE. I don't believe any one person is right about anything. I think elements of truth exist in all belief systems, which is why we, as a curious and reasonable (hah) species should take the time to be open-minded and learn what other cultures and religions have to offer. The older I get, the more I see the similarities rather than the differences between the majority of religions in the world. So why can't we sit down together and have a chat about it without the world imploding?

My answer is that humans simply have too many opinions. Due to experience, upbringing and education influencing us, we all just have too many perspectives. There will always be fanatics. There will always be moderates. To think that this is any different, that one faction is evil and the others are good, or that one day all of us will be united under the same banner is unreasonable. What we can work towards is understanding and open-mindedness. Tolerance is the key to peace in the future...of course that is an opinion that many would refute. Hence my conclusion that humans will never change in this aspect. My biggest issue is all the people who try to impose or force their beliefs or religion onto others.

What I find amazing is where all the hatred and unease comes from. So many people think of epic battles and oppression between countries and cultures...across hundreds of ethnic groups with thousands of morals and values. I see it on the internet, in random chat rooms, on the street, in the malls, on the train and even in a friend's home. I can't tell you the number of times I've looked at the comments on a video, only to find an argument about the existence of God, when the video itself has nothing to do with religion (and similar topics). What scares me the most is the level some people can't be reasoned with. There's no room for consideration, debate or critical thought. These people see what they believe as Truth (yes with a capital T) and won't give a little to the possibility that they are wrong. I know I'm wrong in many ways about a lot of subjects, but I try to listen and learn. It also makes me vulnerable.

An example would be a time when I was visiting a friend to watch Lord of the Rings (ironically, LOTR has a lot of religious under-tones...which too can be debated, but I digress), and somehow the topic of religion came up. Namely my belief in God and my attendance at church on Sunday mornings. Now, before I get into this, I would like to make my position CLEAR. I am extremely moderate and believe in peaceful co-existence (in case you haven't gathered that yet). I believe in a God (or at least a higher deity of sorts), I think that the morals and values that are the fundamental basis of many religions all over the world (like love, peace, moderation, charity etc.) are aspects to aspire to, I know that religions and other factions can bring people together and unite them as a community (also between religions and factions) and I think everyone should be allowed to believe what they want to as long as they don't force those beliefs on others (for instance, I am writing this post in order to convey my position, but I don't expect anyone to agree...I leave that up to the person to decide). My philosophy is a lot more complicated of course, and I have struggled with it immensely, but that's the gist of it. At this said movie night, my beliefs were attacked without much chance to defend myself, and this was frightening.

I remember saying something about being at church on Sunday morning, which was a mistake in my friend's presence. Normally I don't like church that much. I feel like an outsider a lot of the time (for reasons other than the religion itself), but I attend to make my family happy, which in turn makes me happy. I respect my family and the life they have brought me up in, and I intend to honour that respect despite what I may believe deep down. At any rate, he asked me why I was going to church if I didn't like it. As I explained a moment ago, I said that it made my family happy. He said that I should do what made ME happy rather than my family, and to do otherwise was idiocy. While I agree that freedom, choice and the right to be happy is something we should all be able to have, part of my happiness relies on my family being happy. My friend did not find this explanation acceptable. Instead we entered a rather one-sided debate about how Christianity has been inherently evil and misleading since the dawn of its creation. I countered that it was mostly the fanatics that ruined it for everyone else. He had the all-powerful "but look at the renaissance and the indoctrination there. Hundreds of people have died in the name of religion. People still do. People have been oppressed, forced to believe things they don't want to and driven to commit horrible deeds." I don't disagree at all with these statements, but it's not the religion itself that's the problem. The problem lies in the system, in the individuals that become corrupted for various reasons and a general lack of education (or the desire to be educated). The religion-bashing carried on for some time, but to make a long story short, my friend would not let us carry on with the evening until I said, at the very least, that I was agnostic. The denial of many of my beliefs wasn't what upset me the most that day. What upset me the most was that a person I considered a friend, drove me to the verge of tears, because they thought they were trying to "save me".

Which is what I don't understand. He is an atheist, and yet he used the same tactics and arguments that fanatics in religious factions use in order to force others to think the same way as them. In that way, he was contradicting himself by using the same principles he hates in order to prove that he was right.

So people, please leave me alone, please leave others alone. If you are willing to learn, to educate, to be reasonable and have an open-mind, then I wholly encourage thought and debate concerning religion. If not, keep your beliefs to yourself. I don't want to be preached to. I don't want to be told that I'm being saved from falsehood, misleading information, fanatic cults, stupid organizations, heaven, hell, or the Great Effing Pumpkin. I don't want to be yelled at, I don't want to be attacked, I don't want the hatred. I am prepared to accept the consequences of my beliefs, whatever the future holds for them. Please people, for the love of all that is good and holy (what ever you may think that is), let me be. Stop trying to rescue me. I don't want to be saved.