Literary String Cheese: A Critical Drivel Theory
I was in the shower when I began to craft the beginnings of a plan to rid myself of boredom this summer. Someone must have been learning how the household faucets operate, because I was quickly learning about the differences between freezing hot and scorching cold. Pro tip for the kiddies, rig all household appliances involving water with flamethrowers and liquid nitrogen for best showering experience. That way the possible perpetrators get the best of both worlds, and you get to have a little consistency.
Episode 1: The Curse of Distract---
I have an idea to write about writing. I love reading and discussing the writing experience with other writers, no matter what skill or style they possess (yes, I LOVE it professor). I say that I love the subject because writing is as much about the process as it is about the finished product. My idea for the summer is to write, as often as I can, about being a writer (albeit a poor one) and share my endeavours, past and present, to become a better one. Then I thought, what better way to start than to talk about my greatest writing nemesis: Distraction.
Distraction is defined as household chores, interruptions by friends and family, the sudden desire to watch a few episodes of my favourite show (internet, television, DVD nerd set, etc.), instant messages from the 3+ clients that I run at any given time, the ever-present video game addictions and the realization that I have forgotten to do something important.
As I return from frantically navigating to my e-mail inbox to reply to an “urgent editing crisis,” I am reminded of why I never get anything significant done...unless my marks or paycheck depends on it. Writing has been a lifelong passion, but partially because I've been able to work on it and through it whenever I feel moved to do so. Unlike daily chores and work, I can sit down, isolated from the world and write until I feel like engaging with another activity. Or until my brother knocks at my door to tell me he flushed the toilet twice on me while I was in the shower, but that's besides the point since he wants help watering the plants outside in order to “minimize his time with the mosquitoes.”
By the time I return to my work, I have the desire to continue, but find that I'm at a loss as to how. I had an idea, a train of thought, a sense of connection and flow, and now I have...vague principle to go on and a handful of words I want to “fix.” Then comes the inevitable. The Scrolling. Good Lord love a duck the Scrolling. The ultimate effect of Distraction. I sit, staring at the screen, using the convenient little wheel in the centre of the mouse to move up and down and down and up the document, over and over until I have the words, any words, to continue. This can go on for hours (or days if I leave the document open in the background).
Now, don't think that this is exclusive to computers. Flipping is Scrolling's distant estranged cousin living in Notebook (and often vacations in Loose Leaf). Now personally I prefer Notebook over Loose Leaf (therefore, Flipping does as well). It's a more organized, sequential place (at least in principle). I mean, the infrastructure is there, but its contents can end up in amuck (obligatory bracketed area since the last three sentences had them). Words and Doodles everywhere, with no direction, order or instruction. Loose Leaf lacks that fine infrastructure, but its contents can be brought together at the last moment to see the larger picture. However, either place is prone to Flipping, as the pages turn without seeing or changing what lies within.
Though, that all makes me wonder if Distraction itself is an art or a form of thinking. With Scrolling, Flipping and the extra I spend time I'm fighting those boss battles, or washing the dishes, or riding the bus, or making cookies, or fighting boss battles with cookies on the bus then covering my tracks by washing the dishes, I am concocting new scenarios. If I don't confuse myself before the end.
Since...
Distraction makes me forget if I had a point to make. Whether I have made it. Whether there was a point to be made in the first place. Whether there needs to be one. Whether abstract thinking and awkward analogies are going to make my mind implode.
Because exploding would be messy and disgusting. No one wants to see that. Well, except you back there in the corner with the curly hair and cheap sunglasses. Yes, you.
Weirdo.
Then again, I'm the one who opens a topic by talking about my showering experience and ends it with asking why people started putting mustard in my KD. Honestly, if I have KD without mustard now, it tastes strange to me.
So yeah, who's been putting mustard in my KD? Enquiring minds would like to know.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
My Aura Has Never Been Pinker!
Initial Thoughts on Dungeon Siege 3
It's...different.
I was expecting an upgrade from the first two games, like what they did in the second game with upgraded party and inventory systems, the addition of powers/abilities and pets, more races to choose from, better graphics and smoother interface, and an equally cheesy story. Looking at this game, all that I can say that it shares with the previous two is the title and some of the names used in the game. The rest is completely different and I'm not sure what to think about it.
The first two games were developed by Microsoft Studios, which was amusing in and of itself, but they have produced decent games including the Age of Empires series (AOE2 being one of my all time favourite games). I was surprised to hear that the third instalment was being handled by Square Enix, which immediately struck me as...well ridiculous. Where the hell did they come from and what did they do to my Dungeon Siege? Why Microsoft? Why?
After some quick research on Wikipedia, I found out that Square Enix recently acquired the rights to the whole franchise, turning production of the game over to Obsidian Entertainment rather than Gas Powered Games. This is a blow to my fragile heart, for while the games were never the peak of electronic prowess, they were a cheesy indulgence that kept me company through my awkward teenage years (and boy were they). I was expecting an upgrade with a little bling on the side. Instead I got an overhaul, complete with invasive surgery and a pair of scissors left in the bowels of smooth gameplay.
So, what do I think of the game? Well, where on earth do I start? I suppose at the beginning would be logical...but I'm not logical so I'll start with what I think is good so far. The game takes place in the Kingdom of Ehb. Point goes to DSIII for getting the setting right (ish). The graphics are pretty tripped out and look quite good, even on the lowest settings (which is all poor Gary can handle, especially when I'm using an external fan to keep him cool while I play). Sound is all right, with some decent tracks so far. I haven't heard any of the classic Dungeon Siege music, but I'm holding out for that. Voice acting is...well I'll get to that when I talk about characterization. Atmosphere is fitting, though I have to admit, the visuals have been mostly dark and blue...and on fire.
Interface and gameplay. Good lord love a duck I want to murder someone in their sleep and use their body for a flail. Upon launching the game, I could tell that there would be problems. My laptop meets all the requirements despite being four years old, but once I got to the title screen, the cursor lagged so much moving that I immediately went to the options menu and began hacking away at the graphics and playing with the settings to see if I could fix it. After a restart of my computer, it was no better. After that I threw up my arms in defeat and decided to just play the game to see if I could get through it without much mouse movement.
The actual gameplay drove me up the wall and left me clinging to the roof by my nails. The camera is controlled two ways, one with the A and D keys, and two with the mouse at the edge of the screen. The character is moved by HOLDING DOWN the right mouse button or using W and S. The problem is that the camera and the character are moved independently, so you need to turn the camera to move left or right (the mouse option lets the character turn independently, but then you can't see where the hell you're going). This is a problem for me. Half the time I was playing, I had no idea where I was going because I couldn't SEE what I wanted to. I'd get stuck on random bits of rock (or in some cases random bits of nothing), so if I was attacked, I'd be fighting with the terrain and the camera to move. I'll get to combat later since I haven't talked about characters yet. Regardless, it's atrocious. You can tell it's made for a console. I have nothing against making games for wider medium and more audiences, but if it means that the game does not translate well into its different forms, then I get angry. This makes me fear for Skyrim.
Starting a new game, I got the opportunity to choose between 4 pre-made characters. Yes, 4, no more, no less. No customization available. In previous games, not many races or styles were offered, but at least the player could choose their character, name them and then make the classes any way they desired. This game, the characters all have names and backstories and set skills and fighting styles. This is interesting in its own way, because effort has been made to make them interesting enough, but I missed the personal aspect of it.
I had the choice between a generic knight-type with a sword and shield (Lucas), a hairy looking fellow who used some sort of magic and had a trippy moving gear belt (Reinhart), a elemental chick who was ON FIRE (Anjali), and this promiscuous looking lady with dual wild pistols and a rifle wearing stiletto heels (Katarina). I was tempted by the one perpetually burning, but in the end I went with Cleavage McShooty Heels, who turned out to be some sort of bastard child with a Russian accent. I don't even want to know why she has a Russian accent.
The game takes place in a strange French Revolution-esque environment where the Royal Family of Ehb and this angry staff witch woman are at war. The main characters (slightly different stories depending on whom the player chooses) are members of a dying order that was supposed to protect the Old King, who died, so obviously the order failed and everyone is pissed off. Therefore, from what I can tell, both sides hate the characters and want to see them dead. Yey. I'm only 100 minutes into the game (which should tell you a lot when I've written this much already on it), but the story is fairly straight-forward so far. I just don't understand why there are under-dressed gunslingers with Russian accents running around in an English environment with French themes. I'll blame Square Enix for that one. And maybe someone ripping off Fable 3.
Combat was a mess. I am playing on the “hardcore level,” which is apparently not for people who like to “throw their controllers at the screen.” Can't tell this game was made for consoles at all can you? For those first 90 minutes I had very little difficulty fighting after I finally figured out how to use and change weapons. My character, incidentally, is squishy and will die quickly when close to enemies. So I had to manage dodging, healing and fighting, which is all fine and dandy if you can control that little tool I like to call the camera. I find when the player is constantly rolling into walls and tiny areas between rocks where the character can't move, that's when grandma's jelly salad begins to hit the fan, spraying chunky bits everywhere.
Before stopping the game to write this review, I got extremely frustrated with an early battle between the character and a bunch of witches. I survived about 10 seconds of the battle at most. After the dialogue, which is extremely clunky with random accents being tossed around, the witches begin blasting the player while about 6 cohorts fly out and begin slicing. I try dodging, rolling, shooting, healing, flailing and praying every which way until I get stuck in some corner and die horribly. Emphasis on HORRIBLY. Then I'm sent back to the save point where I have to fight the same three assholes every time even if I save after I do so.
The actual shooty part of the combat is entertaining and enjoyable, though why no melee exists is beyond me. I can block with the shotgun or rifle, but I can't attack with it. The dual wield is intended for close combat, but it's still SHOOTING. I find out only AFTER I start spamming buttons that I have spells to use. I don't even know what they do. The help menu won't tell me anything useful about it. So far, all I know, is that I can fire off a shot in the form of a wispy purple aura (I still have no idea what it does). Maybe I had something funky for lunch. Who knows? As for the actual shots, the rifle does more damage than the duel wield, even at close range (which is probably because my current pistol/shotgun combo sucks). The abilities, which enhances attacks or helps to heal, are interesting enough, but I haven't seen enough of them. They're pretty straight-forward and cliched. The one healing ability gives me this odd glow every time I use it. At least I can say, “my aura has never been pinker!”
All in all, I'm going to continue the game and try my best to finish it all on hard. Nostalgia for the last two games will keep me dedicated to finishing it, but I don't know if it'll have replay value. Do I recommend it? Well...not for the PC at least. Since Square Enix obviously doesn't care about the PC gamer crowd, the console gamers are going to have a better time of it. It's probably a lot better on the 360 or PS3, so I'd try it out there. I'll post another entry when I've finished it to see if it was worth my $50, but for now, I'd say the game is only passable at best.
In truth, all I was really looking for was a cheesy, summer, boredom killer, but I'm sad that it isn't as accessible to the PC crowd. The game has its fun parts (especially the rag dolls cartwheeling randomly through the air in perfect starfish form) and as long as I don't rage quit too often, I should be fine. That said, I've been exceptionally irate in the past months, so that might be a difficult task to carry out. I morn the loss of style and play-ability, but hopefully, this game will surprise me.
It's...different.
I was expecting an upgrade from the first two games, like what they did in the second game with upgraded party and inventory systems, the addition of powers/abilities and pets, more races to choose from, better graphics and smoother interface, and an equally cheesy story. Looking at this game, all that I can say that it shares with the previous two is the title and some of the names used in the game. The rest is completely different and I'm not sure what to think about it.
The first two games were developed by Microsoft Studios, which was amusing in and of itself, but they have produced decent games including the Age of Empires series (AOE2 being one of my all time favourite games). I was surprised to hear that the third instalment was being handled by Square Enix, which immediately struck me as...well ridiculous. Where the hell did they come from and what did they do to my Dungeon Siege? Why Microsoft? Why?
After some quick research on Wikipedia, I found out that Square Enix recently acquired the rights to the whole franchise, turning production of the game over to Obsidian Entertainment rather than Gas Powered Games. This is a blow to my fragile heart, for while the games were never the peak of electronic prowess, they were a cheesy indulgence that kept me company through my awkward teenage years (and boy were they). I was expecting an upgrade with a little bling on the side. Instead I got an overhaul, complete with invasive surgery and a pair of scissors left in the bowels of smooth gameplay.
So, what do I think of the game? Well, where on earth do I start? I suppose at the beginning would be logical...but I'm not logical so I'll start with what I think is good so far. The game takes place in the Kingdom of Ehb. Point goes to DSIII for getting the setting right (ish). The graphics are pretty tripped out and look quite good, even on the lowest settings (which is all poor Gary can handle, especially when I'm using an external fan to keep him cool while I play). Sound is all right, with some decent tracks so far. I haven't heard any of the classic Dungeon Siege music, but I'm holding out for that. Voice acting is...well I'll get to that when I talk about characterization. Atmosphere is fitting, though I have to admit, the visuals have been mostly dark and blue...and on fire.
Interface and gameplay. Good lord love a duck I want to murder someone in their sleep and use their body for a flail. Upon launching the game, I could tell that there would be problems. My laptop meets all the requirements despite being four years old, but once I got to the title screen, the cursor lagged so much moving that I immediately went to the options menu and began hacking away at the graphics and playing with the settings to see if I could fix it. After a restart of my computer, it was no better. After that I threw up my arms in defeat and decided to just play the game to see if I could get through it without much mouse movement.
The actual gameplay drove me up the wall and left me clinging to the roof by my nails. The camera is controlled two ways, one with the A and D keys, and two with the mouse at the edge of the screen. The character is moved by HOLDING DOWN the right mouse button or using W and S. The problem is that the camera and the character are moved independently, so you need to turn the camera to move left or right (the mouse option lets the character turn independently, but then you can't see where the hell you're going). This is a problem for me. Half the time I was playing, I had no idea where I was going because I couldn't SEE what I wanted to. I'd get stuck on random bits of rock (or in some cases random bits of nothing), so if I was attacked, I'd be fighting with the terrain and the camera to move. I'll get to combat later since I haven't talked about characters yet. Regardless, it's atrocious. You can tell it's made for a console. I have nothing against making games for wider medium and more audiences, but if it means that the game does not translate well into its different forms, then I get angry. This makes me fear for Skyrim.
Starting a new game, I got the opportunity to choose between 4 pre-made characters. Yes, 4, no more, no less. No customization available. In previous games, not many races or styles were offered, but at least the player could choose their character, name them and then make the classes any way they desired. This game, the characters all have names and backstories and set skills and fighting styles. This is interesting in its own way, because effort has been made to make them interesting enough, but I missed the personal aspect of it.
I had the choice between a generic knight-type with a sword and shield (Lucas), a hairy looking fellow who used some sort of magic and had a trippy moving gear belt (Reinhart), a elemental chick who was ON FIRE (Anjali), and this promiscuous looking lady with dual wild pistols and a rifle wearing stiletto heels (Katarina). I was tempted by the one perpetually burning, but in the end I went with Cleavage McShooty Heels, who turned out to be some sort of bastard child with a Russian accent. I don't even want to know why she has a Russian accent.
The game takes place in a strange French Revolution-esque environment where the Royal Family of Ehb and this angry staff witch woman are at war. The main characters (slightly different stories depending on whom the player chooses) are members of a dying order that was supposed to protect the Old King, who died, so obviously the order failed and everyone is pissed off. Therefore, from what I can tell, both sides hate the characters and want to see them dead. Yey. I'm only 100 minutes into the game (which should tell you a lot when I've written this much already on it), but the story is fairly straight-forward so far. I just don't understand why there are under-dressed gunslingers with Russian accents running around in an English environment with French themes. I'll blame Square Enix for that one. And maybe someone ripping off Fable 3.
Combat was a mess. I am playing on the “hardcore level,” which is apparently not for people who like to “throw their controllers at the screen.” Can't tell this game was made for consoles at all can you? For those first 90 minutes I had very little difficulty fighting after I finally figured out how to use and change weapons. My character, incidentally, is squishy and will die quickly when close to enemies. So I had to manage dodging, healing and fighting, which is all fine and dandy if you can control that little tool I like to call the camera. I find when the player is constantly rolling into walls and tiny areas between rocks where the character can't move, that's when grandma's jelly salad begins to hit the fan, spraying chunky bits everywhere.
Before stopping the game to write this review, I got extremely frustrated with an early battle between the character and a bunch of witches. I survived about 10 seconds of the battle at most. After the dialogue, which is extremely clunky with random accents being tossed around, the witches begin blasting the player while about 6 cohorts fly out and begin slicing. I try dodging, rolling, shooting, healing, flailing and praying every which way until I get stuck in some corner and die horribly. Emphasis on HORRIBLY. Then I'm sent back to the save point where I have to fight the same three assholes every time even if I save after I do so.
The actual shooty part of the combat is entertaining and enjoyable, though why no melee exists is beyond me. I can block with the shotgun or rifle, but I can't attack with it. The dual wield is intended for close combat, but it's still SHOOTING. I find out only AFTER I start spamming buttons that I have spells to use. I don't even know what they do. The help menu won't tell me anything useful about it. So far, all I know, is that I can fire off a shot in the form of a wispy purple aura (I still have no idea what it does). Maybe I had something funky for lunch. Who knows? As for the actual shots, the rifle does more damage than the duel wield, even at close range (which is probably because my current pistol/shotgun combo sucks). The abilities, which enhances attacks or helps to heal, are interesting enough, but I haven't seen enough of them. They're pretty straight-forward and cliched. The one healing ability gives me this odd glow every time I use it. At least I can say, “my aura has never been pinker!”
All in all, I'm going to continue the game and try my best to finish it all on hard. Nostalgia for the last two games will keep me dedicated to finishing it, but I don't know if it'll have replay value. Do I recommend it? Well...not for the PC at least. Since Square Enix obviously doesn't care about the PC gamer crowd, the console gamers are going to have a better time of it. It's probably a lot better on the 360 or PS3, so I'd try it out there. I'll post another entry when I've finished it to see if it was worth my $50, but for now, I'd say the game is only passable at best.
In truth, all I was really looking for was a cheesy, summer, boredom killer, but I'm sad that it isn't as accessible to the PC crowd. The game has its fun parts (especially the rag dolls cartwheeling randomly through the air in perfect starfish form) and as long as I don't rage quit too often, I should be fine. That said, I've been exceptionally irate in the past months, so that might be a difficult task to carry out. I morn the loss of style and play-ability, but hopefully, this game will surprise me.
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